The agreements for our groups have a dual purpose. They make the group experience safe for its members and they allow each woman to express her feelings and therefore come to her own answers.

NO ADVICE GIVING

• Inherent in advice is disapproval, even though it may be unintentional.
• Here, we trust in each woman’s ability to think, experiment and problem solve for herself.
• We are looking to foster the speaker’s ability to get to her own clear thinking.
• Each of us is truly unique, and even though our stories may sound similar, no two situations are the same.
• It is not your responsibility to fix others, we encourage you to learn to “let go.”

ONE WOMAN SPEAKS AT A TIME

• In our usual lives there are often many interruptions.
• Every woman has the right to be listened to and to learn from another.
• There is no competition here—each woman is equally important and will get her time to speak.
• Every woman gets a chance to listen and to be heard.
• Leaders may use a timer; this gives approximately equal time to each woman (equal time without rigid boundaries).

PAY COMPLETE ATTENTION TO EACH WOMAN AS SHE IS SPEAKING

• Group attention is very powerful—there is magic in having the group focus on you with care, trust and respect.
• When a woman is speaking, the “spot light” is on her. Let’s give her our undivided attention.

LISTEN RESPECTFULLY AND NON-JUDGMENTALLY

• Creates a sense of trust, support and safety.
• We encourage the understanding that each woman is unique and each situation is unique.
• When you feel a judgment coming up for you, feel it and let it go.

ALL PERSONAL INFORMATION SHARED WITHIN THE GROUP IS STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL, NEVER TO BE BROUGHT UP AGAIN, EXCEPT BY THE SPEAKER, IF AND WHEN SHE CHOOSES

• Confidentiality increases the safety of the group.
• We have the right to be in control of when and how we want to share.
• Sharing feelings about issues or situations is just that—you may feel one way at that moment and differently at another time.
• Please don’t refer to what someone has said in the group when it is your turn to speak—take the time to talk about your own issues and feelings. Referring to others is often a way of avoiding talking about yourself.
• Referring back to what another woman has shared may bring up feelings of sadness, pain or anger for her.
• There are other ways to show our concern without impinging on someone else’s privacy and control—i.e. eye contact, nodding, questions such as “how are you doing,” statements like, I’ve been thinking about you.”

NO PUTDOWNS OF YOURSELF OR OTHERS

• This can be a habit that causes damage to us or to others.
• This can be very subtle or even appear as joking.
• Remember your mind believes what it hears you say.
• Every woman is doing the best she can.

SPEAK FROM YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE

• Speak from the “I” place, not the “you” place.
• Please don’t generalize. Statements such as “all women…,” “all men…,” "women need to…” may cause others to feel defensive.
• “I am speaking MY truth, not THE truth.”
• This encourages ownership of our feelings and experiences.

CONSISTENT COMMITMENT TO THE GROUP

• Members bond closely and share very deeply as the groups go on. Your presence is important and it makes a difference when you are not there. We ask each group member to make every effort to be there for each session.

**PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AGREEMENTS APPLY AT BREAKTIME AND WHEN THE GROUP HAS ENDED**